Just a typical secondary four girl living in a world of stress and torture. life cannot get worse. fortunatly, i have many good friends who help me along the way. also, someone that i really hold dear to my heart together with my friends
i'm so glad to have that person in my life who's always there for me, picking me up when i fall, shining light onto my darkest moments
i just love you guys oh so much hope you will have a fun time!

my whole world is crashing. like really.

i just found out that my grandma may be seriously ill. and the best thing is, all she can tell me is, if she has another 3-4 years with us in this world, she would count herself seriously blessed. the best thing is, she wouldnt tell me what is happening to her. why is it happening to her. how it happened to her.

i went for charismatic mass yesterday. i can tell you, everything was fucking confirmed. there this part in mass where someone gets a message from god and he/she says something that anyone could be praying for. the most dreaded line came:
'i know there's someone out there praying for a loved one, that loved one could be suffering from cancer or an illness.'
'there is also a person who thinks she might be suffering from something, there's someone really worried about you'

its too much of a coincidence.and i believe in the holy presence of god, there are no such things as coincidences. everything happens cuz god wanted it to be.

i'm not blaming god. i just want to clear my doubts. i dont want to be left hanging. just tell me an answer please. if she suffering from an illness or not? if yes, what?

i dont want to lose the closest person i've had since young. i really dont want to. everyday before my birthday would be an emo day for me cuz it would be her birthday.

so many unanswered questions, so little answers.

i dont get it. why? how? when? what?

is this a test from god? really? is it?

why is he doing this? my grandma has never done anything very bad. always being so belovent and caring towards us. oh so selfless putting others before herself.

if he takes her away, why? is it to end her suffering?

everything happens for a reason. i know. but what is that reason?

please god. please help her. help me help her.

i'm at a loss now. please help.