okay. pen knife right beside me now. all i have to do is push the blade out and volia! BLOOD.
fuck. damn fucking tempted to do that now. when i said nothing is going well i mean nothing is going well. like practically nothing!
chinara why is your life so fucked up? people might think you're dwelling in self pity but who gives a fuck about other people. your life or theirs? wake up can?!
lets just get to the point lahhs. my blog url got let out. someone i know has it. like fuck. i'm not gonna restrict myself to what i write just because you have my URL. its my blog, my rules. i get to say whatever i want. you dont wanna read just click the red 'X' button on the right top hand corner of your screen.
okay, one of the only things that have been keeping me going since sec 3 is like slowly fading away. like its so slow that it prolongs the pain. it hurts so badly. i looked forward to every sunday just so that i could see you. counting down the days to sunday makes the week pass oh so much faster. even though i didnt know you then, your warm presence just comforts me when you walk in on sundays. now what?some random person wants to ruin my fairytale. from a happily ever after to a possibility of not even having an ending at all? even if the ending really comes to reality it would be through many obstacles. i'm not strong enough for that. thats why i have you and god in my life.
when i found out that you liked me too, who could i tell? i could just scream in my heart and like be overjoyed to the max. i wanted to tell people, people who were supposedly closest to me. people whom i thought i could turn too until P6 when they arnt as simple as they seem. even family has family politics. its like living in school all over again. when i say something is so fucking bimbotic or its just a fuck full of nonsense. yeah i know. dont have to emphasise further. i'm dumb but not stupid.
now everything's going down the drain. my so called good results this term might not even happen. someone is calling me a cheap slut asking me to stay away if not she would call my parents for bothering someone she calls dear. (according to her)
oh fuck you lahs. why must you of all people turn my life upside down? huhs? i dont even know you can. now if you call up and complain to them that i'm so called stalking that 'closely related' person of yours. hello? he contacts me and vice versa? try controlling your own kid before you try to control other people's children can? yeah.they would think that i'm a disgrace. hah! is that what you want? as i said in my previous post, THINK BITCH THINK!
yeah, i wouldnt be given the liberty to explain. parents take the sides of outsiders as yeah they feel embarassed that someone else is lecturing and scolding your daughter for something thats supposedly my fault. would you take the time to actually ask for MY side of the story? no. i guessed so. you would be too caught up in your ego to differentiate whats right from wrong, even if it means siding your own daughter and actually believing in her for once in your life.
true love cant be forced. it cant be broken either. the only two people who can break up true love are the people involved in the relationship in the first place. no outsider can interfere. if we let some random person interfere and affect us to a point of a break up, then i need to find a new definition of true love. i know you're not like that. i know you need the reasurrance cuz you say no one's there for you.
dear i am there for you just like you are there for me in my darkest moments, encouraging me as i go.
like fuck. i just typed out all that shit realising that no one would understand anyway. cuz true love is experienced once in a lifetime, if you cant relate, hahs you get what i mean^^
god didnt do all this on purpose. i'm trying to keep my faith alive and hopfully it doesnt drown in my sins cuz if i'm pissed i swear,you'll see more than just cuts and hear more than just fucking bitching around.
wait and see bitch. wait and see. try as you might, if you wanna call my parents call lahhs. i cant be bothered with you.. though i dont have much confidence that my parents would side me but you cant break up true love. this isnt puppy love at all. its a feeling that has been developed silently over 2 years and has not faded till today. its just getting stronger and stronger. if you think by giving us hell we would break up please continue hoping. i wont say praying cuz this isnt what god's telling you to do. you're reading a wrong sign. its the devil like duhh!
geez. i didnt know you were that dumb
[[sign off name]]
5:15 PM
